Everyone has a story about themselves.
In fact, you have many stories about yourself.Â You are good as thisâ¦ Bad at thatâ¦ Love thisâ¦ Donât like thatâ¦
Nothing influences your experience more than the story you tell you about you.
Most people don’t know how to identify which of those stories are serving them, and which are not.
Your story of yourself is ALWAYS a story of the past or the future; oftentimes itâs of both.
It is a great thing if your story is positive and constructive. I’m always on time. People can count on me. I’m good with computers. etc That self identification is terrific, because it brings you into situations with self confidence and the picture of a good outcome.
The problem is that not all of your stories serve you.
I’m not good with money. I have a terrible diet. I make decisions out of fear. I’m not a disciplined person. I’m not good at sales. etc
There are two things that help me to identify and overcome stories like these.
1. If you want to find your harmful stories, start by looking for your negative statements. Catching yourself saying negative things is an invaluable skill. For me, as soon as i realize what I’ve said, I grab a piece of paper and write it down. When it’s on paper, it is no longer personal. I can look at what I’ve said as an observer and see what is true for me.
2. Understand ALL stories are a story of the past or the future. When you say anything about yourself, you are either referencing something that has already happened or that you are picturing in the future. Whether something happened a second ago, hour ago or ten years ago; it is in the past. The past is over. Observe the difference between I am not good a speaking in public and In the past, I have not been good at speaking in public. The sooner continues into the future and seems like a matter of fact (of course it is NOT a fact unless you want it to be) and the later is more true, and it leaves the future open to possibly.
This will sound very simplistic to some, but it’s not. The fix for this takes work. Sometimes lots of it. There is no pill for self-awareness. And even once you are aware of the story that isn’t true or isn’t serving you it takes a conscious effort to make that shift.
Certainly, that effort is worthwhile. As i mentioned in the video, grabbing out a pen and paper and writing some of these stories down is a terrific starting point.
PS Here is a list of stories that I have had about me that have not served me. I find that making them public also neutralizes them and takes their power away. These things may have been true in the past. They may be true in the future and then they may not!
I’m not detail oriented
I’m hard on people
I can’t sing
I’m hard on my body
I never get enough sleep
I’m bad a math
I’m a bad writer
I don’t get technology
I’m a terrible boyfriend
I’m too competitive
I’m not creativ
I’m an extremist
Post some of your thoughts and see what happens.