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Roll Out The MAT
by On February 19, 2012

The other day I was forwarded a wonderful question as a result of a recent Weekly Instructor Led Development (WILD) call that I felt was appropriate to address in a blog post. It is my hope that this will be beneficial and provide some insight to all who read this:

“…how can we stay positive when we are around negative people, (specifically) family members and/or co-workers?”

I love this inquiry for two reasons: One, it is specific and two; it is something we can all relate to at least one point in our lives. It’s not uncommon to have that one family member who undoubtedly, by their mere presence sucks the vitality out of us with their negativity. I would go so far as to say nearly all of us have at least one in our family (If you are in complete disagreement than that negative person may be you). It is also not unusual to work with someone who brings us down by his or her constant doom & gloom attitude. I call the people above Positive Energy Sucking Twits (PESTs).

In any scenario I would recommend we simply avoid spending any length of time with that person, but I realize in this situation it poses a challenge since avoiding our family members or co-workers completely is not too likely.

So, what do we do? I have three ideas that I’ve been fortunate to pick up both from wiser individuals then myself as well as trial and error that will be of help. When we find ourselves in this dilemma, I encourage us to roll out (what I’d like to call) the MAT system for them.  (M = Model preferred behavior, A = Avoid engaging & T = Tell them)

1) Model the Preferred Behavior you’d like to see from them. Put another way, be the change you’d like to see. If you would like a different result you must take a different approach and it may mean showing the troublesome family member or co-worker how to behave around you by acting in the manner you wish to see from them. It will require patience and positive encouragement, but is absolutely possible.

2) Avoid Engaging in their Drama. Have you ever found yourself stooping to the level and mindset of the person you are with? When we jump on the “complaining bandwagon” with these PESTs we are encouraging more complaining and tying them closer to us. Conversely, when we stop engaging in their drama and, either ignores the antics entirely or finds something positive to add our PEST will most likely move onto someone else and join their bandwagon.

3) Tell Them. Sometimes we simply need to confront the person and tell them. If they are someone we truly want to be around, rather than subject ourselves to more mental anguish and turmoil, it is essential that we take the time and energy to relate to our difficult family member or co-worker what we are experiencing and would we would like to see happen. Once that is accomplished the “ball is in their court.” It is possible that this person had no idea they were being such a PEST. Most people we care about are not deliberately trying to bring us down and until we have the courage to let them know, they may continue to act in a way that is incongruent with what we would like to occur.

So, when we apply one or all elements of the MAT system then we are maximizing the possibility of having the outcome we desire with regards to our PEST. By applying these steps, it removes the victim mindset that tends to accompany our feelings towards our PESTs. By taking responsibility for our actions and behaviors we have more control and therefore are less subject to erratic emotions and ultimately we feel better more empowered.

I hope this has been beneficial and thank you to our courageous friend for asking such a wonderful question in which to create this blog post. Have a great week.

Be free.

David Shoup

NW Regional Director

Freedom Personal Development

Know What You Want…
by On February 17, 2012

I met a young college man today at a function and noticed some successful characteristics that he exhibited and wanted to share them.  This guy was sharp, great eye contact, nice handshake and always smiling.  I asked a few questions, how old, go to school, girlfriend, college major, etc.  He seemed like a man on a mission in how he was living his life.  So I asked, What do you want to do with your life?  He smiled and said “I want to make a Super Bowl Commercial” in a confident and knowing way.  He proceeded to tell me how excited he was for the day when he is watching the Super Bowl with family and friends and it comes on.

In reflecting on this interaction with this young man, I noticed 4 things that he was doing well and that over time, these 4 things will get him where he wants to go.

KNOW what you want, it’s different for everyone. Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.  Meaning that you are a success when you know what you want and you are working toward it.  It doesn’t matter if you want to be a great parent or a multi millionaire.  Spend some time with this and come up with something that is meaningful to you.  What is your purpose, what are you here to do, what do you want?  Have a solid answer before continuing.

Being quick with you answer to the question, What do you want.  He answered the question without even thinking about it.  It was quick with no hesitation  This is key, you should be able to answer this question in your sleep.

Short and sweet for laser focus. His answer had no fluff.  When your Brain is able to focus on one thing, that focus is like a laser beam.  When your brain focused on many things, that focus is like a radio tower sending frequency in all directions and what you want is not getting enough focus.  Your brain likes specific and condensed information.  If you have different goals for each area of your life, that is great.  See how you can combine and condense them.  Sometimes one goal is a result of another or one would need to happen in order for another to happen.  Give your brain one thing to focus on.

Feel good when you think about it. As he was answering the question, he was smiling, joking, relaxed and confident.  There is what’s called a sweet spot with goal setting and it’s a balance between belief and doubt.  If you feel bad while thinking about what you want, deep down, you doubt you can get it.  When you feel good while thinking about your want, you believe it is yours already.  Find something that makes you feel great when you think about it.

These 4 things will lead him to his dream and they will do the same for you.

Thank you,

Alan Mong

 

Know what you want…

 

I met a young college man today at a function and noticed some successful characteristics that he exhibited and wanted to share them.  This guy was sharp, great eye contact, nice handshake and always smiling.  I asked a few questions, how old, go to school, girlfriend, college major, etc.  He seemed like a man on a mission in how he was living his life.  So I asked, What do you want to do with your life?  He smiled and said “I want to make a Super Bowl Commercial” in a confident and knowing way.  He proceeded to tell me how excited he was for the day when he is watching the Super Bowl with family and friends and it comes on.

 

In reflecting on this interaction with this young man, I noticed 4 things that he was doing well and that over time, these 4 things will get him where he wants to go.

 

KNOW what you want, it’s different for everyone. Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.  Meaning that you are a success when you know what you want and you are working toward it.  It doesn’t matter if you want to be a great parent or a multi millionaire.  Spend some time with this and come up with something that is meaningful to you.  What is your purpose, what are you here to do, what do you want?  Have a solid answer before continuing.

 

Being quick with you answer to the question, What do you want.  He answered the question without even thinking about it.  It was quick with no hesitation  This is key, you should be able to answer this question in your sleep.

 

Short and sweet for laser focus. His answer had no fluff.  When your Brain is able to focus on one thing, that focus is like a laser beam.  When your brain focused on many things, that focus is like a radio tower sending frequency in all directions and what you want is not getting enough focus.  Your brain likes specific and condensed information.  If you have different goals for each area of your life, that is great.  See how you can combine and condense them.  Sometimes one goal is a result of another or one would need to happen in order for another to happen.  Give your brain one thing to focus on.

 

Feel good when you think about it. As he was answering the question, he was smiling, joking, relaxed and confident.  There is what’s called a sweet spot with goal setting and it’s a balance between belief and doubt.  If you feel bad while thinking about what you want, deep down, you doubt you can get it.  When you feel good while thinking about your want, you believe it is yours already.  Find something that makes you feel great when you think about it.

 

These 4 things will lead him to his dream and they will do the same for you.

 

 

Thank you,

Alan Mong

 

Know what you want…

 

I met a young college man today at a function and noticed some successful characteristics that he exhibited and wanted to share them.  This guy was sharp, great eye contact, nice handshake and always smiling.  I asked a few questions, how old, go to school, girlfriend, college major, etc.  He seemed like a man on a mission in how he was living his life.  So I asked, What do you want to do with your life?  He smiled and said “I want to make a Super Bowl Commercial” in a confident and knowing way.  He proceeded to tell me how excited he was for the day when he is watching the Super Bowl with family and friends and it comes on.

 

In reflecting on this interaction with this young man, I noticed 4 things that he was doing well and that over time, these 4 things will get him where he wants to go.

 

KNOW what you want, it’s different for everyone. Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.  Meaning that you are a success when you know what you want and you are working toward it.  It doesn’t matter if you want to be a great parent or a multi millionaire.  Spend some time with this and come up with something that is meaningful to you.  What is your purpose, what are you here to do, what do you want?  Have a solid answer before continuing.

 

Being quick with you answer to the question, What do you want.  He answered the question without even thinking about it.  It was quick with no hesitation  This is key, you should be able to answer this question in your sleep.

 

Short and sweet for laser focus. His answer had no fluff.  When your Brain is able to focus on one thing, that focus is like a laser beam.  When your brain focused on many things, that focus is like a radio tower sending frequency in all directions and what you want is not getting enough focus.  Your brain likes specific and condensed information.  If you have different goals for each area of your life, that is great.  See how you can combine and condense them.  Sometimes one goal is a result of another or one would need to happen in order for another to happen.  Give your brain one thing to focus on.

 

Feel good when you think about it. As he was answering the question, he was smiling, joking, relaxed and confident.  There is what’s called a sweet spot with goal setting and it’s a
balance between belief and doubt.  If you feel bad while thinking about what you want, deep down, you doubt you can get it.  When you feel good while thinking about your want, you believe it is yours already.  Find something that makes you feel great when you think about it.

 

These 4 things will lead him to his dream and they will do the same for you.

 

 

Thank you,

Alan Mong

I met a young college man today at a function and noticed some successful characteristics that he exhibited and wanted to share them.  This guy was sharp, great eye contact, nice handshake and always smiling.  I asked a few questions, how old, go to school, girlfriend, college major, etc.  He seemed like a man on a mission in how he was living his life.  So I asked, What do you want to do with your life?  He smiled and said “I want to make a Super Bowl Commercial” in a confident and knowing way.  He proceeded to tell me how excited he was for the day when he is watching the Super Bowl with family and friends and it comes on.

In reflecting on this interaction with this young man, I noticed 4 things that he was doing well and that over time, these 4 things will get him where he wants to go.

KNOW what you want, it’s different for everyone. Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.  Meaning that you are a success when you know what you want and you are working toward it.  It doesn’t matter if you want to be a great parent or a multi millionaire.  Spend some time with this and come up with something that is meaningful to you.  What is your purpose, what are you here to do, what do you want?  Have a solid answer before continuing.

Being quick with you answer to the question, What do you want.  He answered the question without even thinking about it.  It was quick with no hesitation  This is key, you should be able to answer this question in your sleep.

Short and sweet for laser focus. His answer had no fluff.  When your Brain is able to focus on one thing, that focus is like a laser beam.  When your brain focused on many things, that focus is like a radio tower sending frequency in all directions and what you want is not getting enough focus.  Your brain likes specific and condensed information.  If you have different goals for each area of your life, that is great.  See how you can combine and condense them.  Sometimes one goal is a result of another or one would need to happen in order for another to happen.  Give your brain one thing to focus on.

Feel good when you think about it. As he was answering the question, he was smiling, joking, relaxed and confident.  There is what’s called a sweet spot with goal setting and it’s a balance between belief and doubt.  If you feel bad while thinking about what you want, deep down, you doubt you can get it.  When you feel good while thinking about your want, you believe it is yours already.  Find something that makes you feel great when you think about it.

These 4 things will lead him to his dream and they will do the same for you.

Thank you,

Alan Mong

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snow Day
by On February 16, 2012

Recently, my hometown of Seattle, WA just endured what is being called the Snopocalypse. Record setting amounts of snowfall and ice blanketed the region for an entire week, completely shutting down most business, government, and any routine way of life for most people in the area. It is clear that the history of the weather we normally experience here is changing very rapidly. New records are being broken in the last year or so for snowfall (some areas here had over 16 inches this week), flooding, and number of people without power. And this is SEATTLE. What occurred to me while experiencing this was how great an analogy this is for the rest of our current reality.

Outside my house, if you were lucky enough to slide properly down my driveway to the street, and slowly make your way out to the main roads of our neighborhood, you would find the going extremely slow, slippery, and downright treacherous in some areas,  but some were still driving on it. Now, you might think that I am going to say next that these people showed persistence and drive that made them overcome the obstacle of the Snopocalypse to go about their lives in the same way they normally do. I am not. What I noticed was a deeper thought. On these same streets were a few other people. They were not in their cars. They were on snowmobiles. Some others were on cross country skis. At first, a common reaction to these people could be that of disdain, because these roads are not meant for snowmobiles, and even that it is illegal to operate them on the street. And that would be true with the previous week’s circumstances.

I love this definition of insanity: continuing to do what you have done in the past and expecting different results.  But that would assume the rules are the same now as they were in the past. When the rules change, a whole new level of insanity arises. Not only is doing the same thing expecting different (or better) results insane, so is doing the same thing and expecting the same results when the rules change.

The way we do business is changing. Has changed. If we continue down the road in the same vehicle that has worked for us in the past, the best we can hope for is it might work–we may eventually get where we are going. It won’t work well–at best we will slip and slide over the road while spending more time and effort to get to the same place, or we may slide off the road entirely.

The ones that will survive are those quick to adapt. Those who notice the change, and acclimate to what is given, will continue along the path. However, the ones that will thrive are the ones who embrace that adaptation with joy. As I sat with my cup of coffee and watched the snowmobiler head up our street, I noticed a huge grin on his face. He was not only going to get where he was going faster, with less chance or injury or accident because he was using a vehicle suited for the roads the way they are now, but he was enjoying the ride.

You may not be equipped today for you want to accomplish tomorrow. Look closely at what new skills, technologies, ideas, or qualities you need to learn or develop to play by the new rules. And unlike our situation here in Seattle, the snow is not going to melt anytime soon, if ever. Make steps to change today. And enjoy the ride.